Tangentially related. I feel estranged during family reunions. To my parents they are meeting siblings that they endured immigrating to America with. For my sister, they're meeting cousins that they hung out with during weekly Sunday family dinners. And for my extended family's pov, I'm always going to be the baby that is doted upon. "Oh you've gotten so big." "I remember when you were like this!" "Remember the cute little outfits 😍" and it all comes through a filter of rough accented English or a blistering speed Cantonese fired off like a revolver in a spaghetti western.
But from my pov, they're essentially strangers. People I don't have much of a connection with apart from dna. And I'm sure they take genuine interest in how I've been, but there's a disconnect that can't be mended during a 2 hour conversation every 2-3 years. Especially when half of the time will be spent rehashing the same story over again.
There's always an anxiety with trying to kindle those relationships because I don't know where to begin. I have to put in the energy to foster it as if they're someone brand new. Granted with a little more affordances and leniency because they'll look at me with a little more graciousness than a pure stranger. But it's still the same where I'm starting at 0 but they're starting at 100.
You do really well conveying the tension and dissipation in the conversations with your extended family. I remember when I was in Korea there would be awkward or tense moments sometimes with the family I stayed with, but I always had trouble discerning how much of it was specifically because of the family or me or just Korean culture in general. Once, we were in the car and the two brothers and the mom got in this huge argument that I didn't fully understand, making for a tense situation. After a couple minutes silence, the mom's way of trying to break the tension was asking me, "Do you ever get in arguments with your family?", which struck me as an incredibly awkward thing to ask. People like your 누나 definitely have a gift to be able to ease that kind of tension, especially a generational one like you describe.
Tangentially related. I feel estranged during family reunions. To my parents they are meeting siblings that they endured immigrating to America with. For my sister, they're meeting cousins that they hung out with during weekly Sunday family dinners. And for my extended family's pov, I'm always going to be the baby that is doted upon. "Oh you've gotten so big." "I remember when you were like this!" "Remember the cute little outfits 😍" and it all comes through a filter of rough accented English or a blistering speed Cantonese fired off like a revolver in a spaghetti western.
But from my pov, they're essentially strangers. People I don't have much of a connection with apart from dna. And I'm sure they take genuine interest in how I've been, but there's a disconnect that can't be mended during a 2 hour conversation every 2-3 years. Especially when half of the time will be spent rehashing the same story over again.
There's always an anxiety with trying to kindle those relationships because I don't know where to begin. I have to put in the energy to foster it as if they're someone brand new. Granted with a little more affordances and leniency because they'll look at me with a little more graciousness than a pure stranger. But it's still the same where I'm starting at 0 but they're starting at 100.
You do really well conveying the tension and dissipation in the conversations with your extended family. I remember when I was in Korea there would be awkward or tense moments sometimes with the family I stayed with, but I always had trouble discerning how much of it was specifically because of the family or me or just Korean culture in general. Once, we were in the car and the two brothers and the mom got in this huge argument that I didn't fully understand, making for a tense situation. After a couple minutes silence, the mom's way of trying to break the tension was asking me, "Do you ever get in arguments with your family?", which struck me as an incredibly awkward thing to ask. People like your 누나 definitely have a gift to be able to ease that kind of tension, especially a generational one like you describe.
Well-written and nostalgic, 10/10
Thanks for reading!! That means a ton :)